Sunday, 1 July 2007

Love it or hate it or both?

Must be the full moon over the last few days.. in coming to a realisation.. not just in theory because I know thats how things are supposed to be, but fully experiencing the phenomenon .. that the opposites of love and hate are completely and utterly necessary for a [my] creative existance.

Yes, I'd like things to come easy for a change, since my mind on occasion thinks " I have had so many trials and shit in my life, just let me have a break and something pretty darn good and accomplishable will come to me without effort" .. ha ha .. this week I have had reflected back to me to me in many different forms of delivery the concept of "to achieve success, you must experience pain/loss/frustration/anger/resistance"... in a nutshell.. sacrifice to gain, and compromise to open new possibilities nauseum.
What makes up all the pain and resistance to this perceived sacrifice & loss? Well its fear of 'change' ... change from what I have thats safe and definable.. to something other... a concept purposely acted upon to bring a period of adjustment and insecurity which mourns the loss of love of those things.

I love my car, am hating to sell it, but I would love a 3ccd vid cam more. I love my big sunny house close to the beach/city, but I accept the fact I have to move to a smaller house out of town to enjoy a better lifestyle. I love all the creative work I can do on my computer, but choose to change and backup some programmes on my computer? expect hours and hours of frustrating error messages/swearing and loss of data before abandoning it to the experts. I love surfing and so want to surf better, I do the hours in the cold & get munched often feeling so inadequate in the lineup I fear my wahines will abandon the effort of inviting me along.. but I LOVE it more, and I hate it the same.
Resistance makes me more determined.. it helps me discern my ideals and passions which drives me forward to create my bliss even more.
.. and that fires me to move and surrender, act, accomplish and not hold on to a result.. because everthing changes.



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